


Breaking the Glass Box

by sincehewas18



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Closeted Character, Closeted Harry, Closeted Louis, Emotional Hurt, Endgame Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Established Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Eventual Romance, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, I Tried, Implied Eleanor Calder/Louis Tomlinson, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kissing, Liam Payne & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson Wears Harry Styles's Clothes, Louis and Harry break up, Louis-centric, M/M, Meant To Be, Niall is Niall, Non AU, Non Alternate Universe, Pining, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, alot, im bad at tagging, its all from louis point of view, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-19 21:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4762256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincehewas18/pseuds/sincehewas18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Non-Au in which Harry broke up with Louis when he became suffocated by their glass box. Louis is fighting for their freedom and still sings 18 to Harry at every single show and doesn't even bother with subtlety anymore. Harry pretends not to notice, but he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I hope you enjoy the prologue to my new fic :) The first chapter should be posted soon, two days max. Just a warning for implied homophobia in the media, and drug/alcohol use.
> 
> Please feel free to comment any mistakes I've made, but any inaccuracies with their management/contract have been made for purposes within the story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hello, quick disclaimer before you read. This is a work of fiction, meaning none of this has ever happened, it isn't real, and absolutely no offence is intended. Does not reflect upon the real life people mentioned in this story. This story and its characters belong to me, so please don't repost, print, or translate unless authorized by myself to do so, this is all just for fun :)**

“We wanted the freedom to love. We wanted the freedom to choose. Now we have to fight for it.”  
― Lauren Oliver

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”  
― Charlotte Brontë,

Prologue

_It was over faster than their whirlwind of a romance started._

From the sweet days cuddling in the bunks of the X-Factor houses, to finishing the show and buying their own home together and cuddling for hours on end in their bed there. From the moments of complete and utter infatuation, from _”Now kiss me you fool”_ and _”I’d marry you, Harry”_ They were in love, but it had to be kept hidden.

 

It was by choice, at first. Neither of them were ready to come out in 2011 when they were signed to their record label. So the logical thing to do was sign on the dotted saying they wouldn’t, _couldn't_ come out until their contract expired in the September of 2016.

It wasn't a big deal then, because neither of them could foresee what would happen in their next five years together.

They could never have guessed that their fans would figure it out, no matter how ‘discreet’ they were, or how many times Louis called it bullshit and denied it on twitter and to every interviewer who asked and showed him that picture of Harry and himself kissing at the judges house on the X-Factor that he had to say was ‘photoshopped’ . But in reality, it was just from a time when they were free to be themselves.

He had to lie to so many people, to people he loved. It killed him to do those things. Especially when he would come home from a night out with his “girlfriend” to find Harry crying on the couch because he wants to be the one going out with Louis, and holding his hand and kissing at the Olympics and going as his date to fashion shows.

But it didn't matter if they thought they were hiding it, because the fans could see right through the act, all the way through to the fondness and love in his eyes when he looked at Harry, and Harry looked at him.

They picked apart every tiny, seemingly insignificant thing, and the worst part? They were almost always right. The little ‘sweet heart sign’ they used to do, it _was_ to reassure the other in troubling times, like when management would say, “You cant sit together," or when their interactions would start to be limited in public. The sign was always there to reassure them, and the fans picked up on that. Eventually they started doing it to reassure the fans, too.

They figured out that, indeed, birds _do not_ have eyebrows. But ships do need a compass, just like an anchor needs rope, and “Oops” and “Hi” do belong with each other.

The fans helped them, when they would start to feel upset about being stuck inside this one way glass box that they can see out of, but that nobody could see in. They wanted people to see in. They wanted to be able to tell their supporters that they were right to support them, even when Louis’ twitter had said otherwise.

But maybe Louis should have fought a little harder and broken the glass, instead of just sitting inside it for years.

Maybe that thats why “Oops!” and “Hi” ended with “I’m sorry” and “But Harry, why?”.

So maybe, just maybe, if Louis hadn't of been so scared of fighting for them, for their freedom, challenging the contract that they had both so naively signed, he could have kept Harry safely by his side for the rest of his life.

But Harry left him, just up and left. Decided one day, a Tuesday, that he couldn't handle this glass box, this _suffocation_ , as he had said, anymore. Not even with a mere year left in the contract before they could finally be free to love.

They would have been free to both wear rainbow pride flags on stage, and drink from their rainbow tea mug set and post cute pictures of themselves on Instagram; they _would_ wave banners of the “always in my heart” tweet, however many there were, they would wave them proudly because they would have finally made it. Because at the time, _always_ had meant always, to both of them.

 

But Harry had decided he no longer wanted to be with Louis inside this glass box, after three years of waiting and wanting and just wishing for their freedom, he couldn't do it anymore.

It was one of the worst Tuesdays of Louis’ life. But in some small way, he understood why Harry might need to do this. He didn't like it or want it to ever happen, but he also didn't want Harry to go back to the dark places he had been in before.

The darks places in the back of his mind that were locked away, that contained all the secret meetings with their management team, trying so hard just to let them so much _talk_ to each other, interact even a little bit.

The dark place that contained the feelings running through his head when they said No, claiming gay rumours would hurt album sales, which was total bullshit made up on the spot to placate Harry’s feelings of anger.

Or the complete depression he fell into when Modest!Management kept handing him what Harry used to call his Winter Cuddle Buddies, because he would get a new one every year, with a quick summer fling thrown in for some drama and publicity.

Louis’ personal favourite was Taylor, she was so sweet and would always make sure Louis was okay before having to go out and get papped taking walks in central park or kissing on New Years as the ball dropped.

 

But no, he couldn't have Harry going back to that place, not when he couldn't be there to pick up the pieces like last time. Harry ended up going out drinking and clubbing almost every night for months.  
Louis couldn't pick up the pieces when Harry was drunk out of his fucking mind in some bar in the downtown of Los Angles because of stipulations in their contract that could get him sued for all he was worth.

Looking back now, though, Louis thinks it would had been worth it. It would have been so worth it. But now he doesn't have Harry.

So in a sense, they are free, from the fake girlfriends and denying the truth about their relationship, because there isn't one anymore.

But they aren't free in the ways that matter.

So Louis, as he sits in his hotel room alone in the big bed he should be sharing with Harry right now, decides to fight to the best of his ability. He is going to fight for the love of his life and himself to be free, even if this involves breaking away from all the subtle looks, and just fucking _looking_ at Harry.

He will sing to him, and love him, and do whatever he can to make sure that this never ever happens again. Because they can’t change. They are who they are and it is what it is.

Because they are HarryandLouis. Not Harry and Louis, because that would imply that they aren't basically one person at this point. It would imply they don't share the same dreams or think the same things. Because they do.

So Louis will sing, the only thing he can use his voice for at his point in time, and he _will_ change the pronouns in the songs that he wrote for Harry, and he _will_ stare at him across the room and do their sweethearts gesture, and talk in sign language to Harry.

And he is going to do these things until it becomes so painfully obvious to the world that their management cant even deny it anymore, because the world has seen the truth. Because Louis is in love with him.

He has been since he was eighteen fucking years old, and you don't just give up on something like that, Louis refuses. Nothing can come between that kind of love, even if Harry has decided to leave him.

Louis will not let it.


	2. one

chapter one

It’s the first concert on the North American leg of their On The Road Again tour when he starts fighting for Harry. Its small, but its something.

They're all on stage blinded by the bright spot lights, sweating just a little in the dry heat. 

Louis is smiling brightly into the sea of people, the sea for people who are there to support One Direction. If he looks a little closer, he will see hundreds of signs saying things like ‘ _My favourite thing about chopsuey is his eye lashes” or ‘ _Louis tops_ ’ or things like ‘ _Harry is the little spoon_ ’. All things he wishes, with his entire being, were still true. _

Because at one point, in months now passed, after the show he and Harry would go back to their shared dressing room to freshen up and recount all their favourite signs from the night, laughing at some of the things that had genuinely come out of their mouths at some point or another. It would bring them back to the beginning as they started to reminisce about simpler times.

Harry is singing passionately into his microphone with the green stripe on the grip, it is a shade similar to his own eyes, eyes that are squeezed shut in concentration as he sings along to Niall’s acoustic guitar playing.

Louis notices then just how far away he is, his position beside Louis seems close to the un-observant, but is the farthest away he can get without raising question. He moves his mic stand a little every time Louis tries to inch closer, close the gaping rift between them.

It makes Louis’ stomach turn and sink because a few weeks ago they would have been fighting to stand _closer_ to each other, and so when reality hits him a little bit harder than it already has, that Harry no longer wants to fight, it makes Louis want to fight even harder.

They're singing Little Things, a song Ed had written for them, and a song that sparked speculation among their fans and even the media. He had received tweets from countless people asking “Did Harry write it for you?”. 

He didn’t, but he knows Ed based it upon them and Harry’s obsession with his too tight jeans and back dimples.

He remembers an interview a while ago, where Harry just fucking sang it to him. Wouldn't look away despite Louis’ hesitance to make eye contact, and his remembrance that they had to stay hidden. 

Harry didn't look away, and Louis didn't mind as much as their handlers did. Harry smirked his way through the entire talking to their management gave them shortly thereafter, but Louis just held on tightly to Harry’s hand. 

“You were worth it.” Harry had whispered to him that night, as his eyelids were drooping and breath was slowing. Louis cuddled into his back, getting closer, but never close enough, and gave him a little squeeze. He loves him.

 

But here they are today, a mile apart, when nothing used to come between them. Louis hates it. Absolutely loathes the feeling.

So he fights, just a little bit. So when he sings, he sings how Ed had written the song to begin with. 

“I’m in love with you, and all his little things. . .” 

The crowd heard him, heard him so clearly that they erupted immediately into screams and cheers, shouting ‘I love you’ into the San Diego breeze. He Hears them, loud and clear. 

Their support is something that has never failed to shock Louis. Even with the years that have passed, every fake girlfriend and cheating scandal, or whatever the fuck else their management has thrown out there, the support had never faltered for a moment. This was something he and Harry had been more than a little thankful for. 

But Harry had hear his lyric change, too. He looks as if he is trying not to notice, but he did, all surprised blinking and heated cheeks. And thats what matters. Him, hearing what Louis has to say, what Louis _needs_ to say . Hearing that Louis loves him, most ardently, and every little, tiny, irrelevant thing about him.

 

When the time comes for Liam’s obligatory sign reading session, Louis watches from back stage where he can see sudden ocean of coloured posters and pictures, even a few cut outs of their faces which makes him laugh for the first time in a while. He watches as a sign reading ‘Louis Tomlinson was my first real crush’ is put up onto the big screen, and Liam reads it out loud. He fucking reads it, and there is no way he doesn't know what this is, because ‘-H.S’ is written in block letters beneath the years old quote.

“Louis Tomlinson was my first real crush. Aw, how sweet.” Liam says, as the screen changes to display a sign declaring their love for Zayn.

Liam turns around at some point in the next thirty-seconds, seconds that pass so quickly its like he's living in fast forward. Liam throws a cheeky wink his way, before reading out the next sign to a crowd of seventy-one thousand people.

He feels a familiar warmth move directly behind him.

Harry is behind him. He cant see him, he cant just feel his presence enter the space. His warmth and his step is something Louis had memorized a very long time ago, pre-fame, and pre-contract.

“You shouldn't have done that.” He speaks, and it's the first time they've spoken by themselves for weeks, always around Liam or Niall, but never alone.

It feels wrong, and everything _is_ wrong, Louis thinks.

“Yeah, I should have, Harry. You need to realize that this isn't just _over. I’m going to fight for you, for _us_. You know I love you, but please don't ever forget it.”_

Harry walks away, golden boots glittering in the light, and Louis is left frozen in his spot, with his heart beating at an unnaturally quick speed. 

This was the first time Harry had ever not said ‘I Love You’ back to him. Even if they've had a bit of a quarrel, he would never not say it back, no matter how angry he was that Louis didn't do the washing, or forgot to pick him up from the studio after a late night recording session. He would _always_ say it back. They never went to bed angry. 

This is what hurts Louis the most, out of everything that has happened to them thus far, from the dark closet they were shoved into at just sixteen and eighteen years old, to the fights for their freedom, he never imagined Harry would stop loving him. Ever. 

So when the show is over and he stops to take picture with the fans gathered outside on the sidewalk of his hotel, he gets in bed and he cries. 

He cries for the first time since he came out to his mum. Louis was so sure he would be rejected and that she would no longer love him. When she opened her arms and told Louis she would always love him, and one day she will love whoever he decides to be with, whether it's a girl, a boy, or anything in-between, he sobbed in pure relief. It was hard to believe he ever thought she would be anything but supportive. 

But the crying he is doing right now, is not a cry of relief. It's the sort of cry you do when you're just absolutely done. When you think you've run out of fight and you don't want to do anything anymore. It's the little choking sobs that sneak out when you loose the love of you life, but he is sound asleep by himself two rooms down the corridor. 

Its the cry you try to do silently so as to not disturb others, when in all reality Louis knows one of the boys would come over to console him if he asked, thats just them. But he wont. He just needs to get the tears out of his blurry eyes, so he can see clearly again. So he can see his goal, the one with curly hair and eyes that he has fallen in love with so many different times. 

Like when Harry said “I love you” for the first time, three months into their season of the X-Factor. Louis wasn't surprised, he had been awake a few times when Harry thought he was sound asleep, nuzzled into his neck. He was awake when Harry would say the three words, almost more quiet than a whisper, barely more than a breath. 

His eyes had been so bright that day, and this is what Louis thinks of as he calms himself down, and settles into the bed that is decidedly too big for his small body to make use of. 

He thinks of green eyes, and how they looked at him when Louis said, 

_“I love you, too.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There won't be a lot of dialogue, because i feel louis' inner thoughts suit the tone of the fic much better, but there will of course be some dialogue. This wont be a long fic, just a heads up. maybe five or six chapters left.
> 
> Also apologies that the chapters will be short, around1.5k each. Id rather give you guys quality over quantity.


	3. two

chapter two

The next morning Louis awakes at an ungodly hour with sleep in his eyes and a sore throat. He doesn't mind though. Sleep brought him bright images of green eyes and loud laughter, tangled legs, and happier times. 

He smiles at the thought of Harry’s long legs entangled in Louis short ones, after a particularly raucous night in the sheets, high off the adrenaline of the last show of their first tour. It was a good night, a distant memory that he is quite fond of these days. 

His feet hit the cold floor in quick steps leading him to the comfort of a warm shower. He takes his time, conditioning his hair twice. He might use the body was he found in his suitcase a few days ago. It was Harry’s. But he couldn't find his, so its excusable. 

But really he just misses his smell. Pine and mint and sweet sweat. That was Harry.

Louis looks at the alarm clock beside his messy bed, it’s a solid 12 hours before the show tonight, and he has nowhere to be before the flight to San Fransisco in two hours. So when he puts on the ratty old Ramones t-shirt Harry used to insist he wear at night, when nobody could tell them no, he isn't exactly expecting company. 

Liam walks in with two cups of steaming liquid just as Louis is climbing back into the warmth of his bed to read some tweets.

He raises a thick eyebrow slightly when he sees Louis’ chosen attire, but doesn't say anything. Louis is grateful for this, because he doesn't exactly feel life talking about it. Ever. The wound is still too fresh, and he doesn't feel like ripping it open and dumping salt water on it. 

“How’re you feeling?” Liam asks gently, placing the warm paper cup in Louis’ hand.

Louis takes a sip of the drink, tea, he finds. 

“I’m alright,” He shrugs. Liam knows he isn’t, if last night weren't proof enough for him.

“I heard you last night. In here. You know, crying and what not.” Liam may try to come off as nonchalant but it’s really hard when speaking in terms of emotional hurt, so it sounds more awkward than anything.

It doesn't matter though, Louis has lost the person he's been in love with since he was eighteen years old, so if he cried once it shouldn't matter as much as Liam is making it sound like it does.

Louis sighs anyway, sounding distressed. “Liam, I promise I'm okay. I just miss him.”

The words that come out of his mouth at this moment are the understatement of the century, of the millennium even. The word ‘miss’ doesn't do it justice. He _longs_ for Harry.

Louis longs for everything about Harry. The things he should have appreciated more when they were together. Like the way he sticks his tongue out before he takes a bite of his food, or sips from his water bottle. The way he would draw nonsensical patters on Louis’ chest to lull him to sleep at night. He even longs for his little snores and the way he would duct tape his favourite pairs of jeans together when they tore.

He should have noticed the duct tape Harry had been putting on their relationship sooner, because he is starting to pick out all the little things Harry had started doing leading up to their breakup. 

Not holding his hand as tight, not resisting their management as much, or telling Louis he loved him as often.

Louis is glad to be snapped out of this dark train of thought when Liam begins to speak.

“Look, I know this probably wont help, but I know he misses you too. You should have seen him last night when we got back to his room for drinks. That little stunt you pulled last night had its intended effect, if you were wondering. He was so out of it.”

He wasn’t, but it does make him feel a little bit better. He still has some of his hold over Harry. He hasn't shut him out completely. 

Liam keeps talking, “Lou, I don't know why you guys broke it off, but I know its hurting you both. Even Zayn, who is across the ocean in England can see it. He texted me some shitty video of your lyric change last night and was wondering what the fuck happened. You should call him at some point and tell him, he misses you.”

Louis misses Zayn, more than he would care to admit, since he left the band. It was like a small part of themselves had detached itself. But Zayn wasn't happy anymore, and Louis couldn't hold that against him.

So when he left, he was okay with it. Though it didn't keep him from making a few snide remarks on twitter that they'd laughed about afterward. He never was very good at biting his own tongue, Harry had always done that for him.

“I will,” Louis promises, “I just- I can’t. Not right now Not with everything going on with Harry.”

Liam nods as Louis continues on, paying careful attention.

“We were so close, ya know? You don't just get over losing your other half like that. So when he broke up with me it hurt, so now I'm going to fight it. I know him well enough to know he's just tired of the oppression on management’s part, and I'm going to fight it for him, and for us.” 

He finishes off his rant with a deep, somewhat shaky breath. He's on the verge of tears again and he doesn't know why he's so fucking emotional lately. His eyes burn with the threat of tears, but he holds them back. 

“I get it Lou, I do. If there is anything I can do to help, I will.” A soft hand pats Louis’ shoulder. Liam is looking at him with warm brown eyes.

“Read more signs. Remind him of us.” He says it like the idea is the most brilliant one he’s ever had. It might be, if it works. 

The signs are a gateway to their past, to those dressing room conversations. Maybe if Harry is reminded of that, he’ll inch back towards Louis when they're onstage singing their hearts out.

Liams eyes twinkle, “Yeah, alright. Should be a laugh watching the fans get all riled up, even if it doesn't work,” He says, “Not that it won’t.”

Louis just laughs and thanks the gods above that he has Liam.

“Alright mate, get your shit together. We've got a flight to San Fransisco in an hour.” Liam takes his tea, and closes the hotel room door softly.

So Louis packs up his bags, and reluctantly takes the Ramones t-shirt off. It still smells like Harry, and thats something he doesn't want to leave his senses. 

*

The flight is quick, Louis sleeps his way through it and is only awoken by the pilot announcing that they'll be landing shortly. He knows the tour bus that they hardly use anymore will be there to pick them up. He misses the bus, a lot of good times took place on it. 

 

He catches sight of long curls in front of him, shifting ever so slightly when Louis sighs. 

He hopes Harry thinks about the way he sighs as often as Louis thinks about the way Harry does when he's just waking up.

*

The heat is worse tonight, Louis thinks. His sweat is soaking through the sheer black tank top he is wearing. They're all walking the catwalk, items occasionally being thrown to them. Louis makes a mental note to pick up the numerous Adidas t-shirts when the show is over.

He can see Harry pointing to the crowd and yelling “Louder!” every so often, but he never looks his way.

He spies a fan a few rows back, holding sign that reads ‘We live together, deal with it’. He looks the girl in the eyes and gives a brief thumbs up and a smile. The girl smiles back, like she knows. And, Louis supposes, she does.

The moment he opens his twitter he will see photos of himself reacting to the sign, and he’ll smile a bit before scrolling own to read what the ‘antis’ have responded. Never mind that, though.

 

When the time comes to sing 18, Louis takes his designated spot beside Harry.

The guitar starts out slow, its soothing.

Louis wrote this song for harry. It was a particularly rough night, back in 2012. He went onto his twitter to find ‘he’ had tweeted fans, claiming things that were not true. Like, ‘Larry is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard’, and asking ‘I’m happy why can you accept that?’

He had shut down completely, locking a confused Harry out of the room for hours while he wrote. This was the night he had decided management may be able to control his online presence, but not his musical one. So he wrote 18 by dim lamplight at a small, uncomfortable desk. 

He only stopped when the song was finished, and to let Harry into the room. They hugged, but by then Harry wasn't so confused as to why he'd been shut out. He saw the tweets and comforted him that night as they slept, holding him tightly. 

He remembers how devastated he was then, and how amazing he felt when the song finally made it onto what would end up being their fourth album.

Harry had kissed him so softly when he heard it for the first time, Louis didn't have to tell him who wrote or whom it was about, he just knew. He always just knew when it came to Louis.

 

So now, standing in front of thousands of people, people holding thousands of cameras, he turns his body to the left, facing Harry. He silently wonders why it never occurred to him to sing this particular song towards him.

He grips his microphone tightly in his hand, taking a deep breath before his solo starts.

“ _I have loved him since we were eighteen, long before we both thought the same things,_ ,” He sings with everything he can, and looks towards Harry whilst he does.

Same as last night in San Diego, the crowd just fucking erupts into hysterical screams. 

He feels content with his fight tonight, even though he knows in the long run it won't make a difference, that eventually he will have to actually get into a fight with their handlers.

What _will_ make a difference is the way Harry looks at him right at that moment. Eyes wide and full of something he cant identify in the short moment before dark green eyes are ripped away from blue ones.

The song ends along with their moment, fading.

*

That night he boards the tour bus, arms full of various t-shirts and things he found onstage.

Its just like how they left it, the same shitty melted crayon art hanging on the wall with tape, the bunks with peeling name tags, and pictures displayed in the same spots. 

The others haven't made it out to the bus yet, so Louis dumps his stuff onto his top bunk, and goes to look at the pictures he cant set eyes on for so long.

There a particular one that catches his eye, displayed in a pretty frame Harry’s mum had given him. 

It’s him and Harry, at eighteen and sixteen. He remembers this day like its yesterday, not years ago. Harry has his arms wrapped around Louis, proud smile on his face and deep dimples on display. Harry is wear a t-shirt that was given to him at signing. 

‘ _Harry ♡ Louis_.’

Harry loves, _loved_ that shirt. Its still buried in the depths of their drawers at home, moth holes bitten into the fabric that is now soft from being washed so much. He refused to throw it away, claiming their relationship depended upon the survival of this shirt. Louis had just laughed and tackled him onto their bed, kissing all over his cute face.

 

It’s not their bed anymore, Louis remembers. He’ll have to go flat shopping when they return to the UK. Its a grim thought, having a home without Harrys presence. But at this point its reality, and he will have to. Or maybe he’ll just stay in Donny with his mum for a while.

He replaces the frame hastily when he hears the sound of laughter near the bus door. 

He doesn't feel like seeing Harry looking beautiful in all his post show glory and glow, so he climbs into his bunk and closes the curtain.

He's reading through twitter now. Fans, as predicted, have tweeted him videos of himself reacting to the sign, asking him to confirm. Louis can't obviously, but he does reply to a few fans with ‘Larry’ in their user names and hopes they figure it out. 

He hears someone climb into the bunk below him a few minutes later, and he listens to them sip tea, and the clicks of laptop keys.

A few moments later he gets a notification on the top of his twitter profile alerting him that the boy beneath him has tweeted.

He clicks Harry’s profile. 

‘Love some of the signs you guys bring. Thank you San Fransisco, you were great. All the love. H.’

He knows, he must know. Louis decides he does, and lets the idea pull him to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will likely be the last update for a little while!! Im really sorry, but i don't have the time to plot and write as much as id like, so I'm mostly going to do short one shots and things like that. When i do update, it will be with a few chapters all at once because I'm going to work on it when i have the time in between school and life etc :)

chapter three

He is laying in the top bunk silently, head resting on soft pillows and wrapped in even softer blankets, listening to the soft snores he has missed so, so much. Everything is soft. The snores remind him of the mornings back home, when he would wake before harry, as per usual, and just lay there wondering _How did I get so lucky?_

How did he get so lucky getting to wake up next to that beautiful creature every morning for almost five years? The delicate pink lips he longed to kiss at every moment, long chocolate curls, and heart beating softly beneath Louis' palm. 

He misses watching his boy wake up, all soft grunts and groans, stretching too long limbs and mumbled morning voice goodmorning’s. 

This is not how he awoke today, or any other day for the past month and a half. The past mornings have been lonely, cold and nobody says good morning to him. They just yell for him to get out of bed because they have to be somewhere.

Today, however, he woke up and didn't feel the bus moving, didn't hear the clanking of dishes in the kitchen and definitely didn't hear Niall yelling about the whereabouts of his knee brace.

Just soft snores. Something he had missed terribly.

So when he just lays in the warmth of his dark bunk, curtain still shut and effectively blocking out any light that may pour through the bus, he just basks in the familiar sound.

He doesn't check his phone or go on his laptop, or go to make breakfast for himself (something he probably shouldn't attempt anyway, after all, his first and _only_ cooking experience was years ago).

But when he does move, its an hour later and its only because the snores have stopped and there is a quiet rustling in the bunk beneath him, alerting Louis that Harry is awake.

Sure enough, moments later he hears the all too familiar waking up noises and has to physically stop himself from rolling over and _not seeing Harry beside him._

_Louis closes his eyes, just in the improbable case that Harry peeks through the curtain see if he is asleep, or even aboard the bus at all. He doesnt, there is just footsteps walking slowly out of the bunk room to where the toilet is located._

_Louis decides this would be a good time to make his exit and go to the living area and pretend like he wasn't just fonding over the way Harry wakes up in the morning, because he totally was not._

_So his small socked feet hit the carpet floor with a soft thump when he jumps out of his bunk. He grabs his phone, which is admittedly too large for his hand, and walks out through the narrow hall to the living room._

_Its a mess already, with crisp bags and other various food containers he has no idea where they came from scattered about the tables. He sweeps them all into one big pile and decides that will be good enough for now._

_He’s scrolling through his mentions on twitter when he sees a video a fan has mentioned him in. Its video of Harry as the thumbnail shows. Just out of curiosity, Louis presses the small play button._

_Right away he can tell the video was taken last night, the person was quite close to the stage and was able to capture Louis’ lyric change._

_Its not the lyric change that they're talking about though, its when he has turned back away from Harry after singing to him, and _Harry is looking at him._ Looking isn't the right word, because that would imply his mouth wasn't also moving along to the words at the same time, singing _ back to Louis. There is no doubt in his mind that this is what was being filmed, and what warranted the caption to be ‘OH MY GOD’.

How did he miss this? Sure, he had tuned away briefly, but he obviously wasn't expecting this. How could he expect it? Harry had only talked to him once in private since they broke up, and that wasn't the greatest moment for Louis.

But this sparks hope inside of him, maybe Harry isn't so distance. Maybe he is missing Louis justas much as Louis is missing him. The hope helps him believe that Harry could regret his decision to leave Louis just a little bit. 

His train of thought is interrupted when a topless Harry Styles walks into the room, right hand holding a bowl of whole wheat Cheerios and his iPhone. His left hand was holding onto that flamingo shirt Louis hates so much. He doesn't actually hate it, he just hates the incredibly endearing memory of when Harry had purchased it and sent him a photo of himself trying it on asked whether Louis liked it or not. He did, obviously. He liked everything Harry wore because it was all, just, so _him_.

Louis just freezes in his spot, but then relaxes because this is just them. They shouldn't be afraid to be in each others presences, or nervous to speak like Harry obviously is right now, feet pigeon toeing and mouth moving with words unspoken.

“Hi. Didn't know anyone else was here, thought you'd have gone with the rest of ‘em.” He says, finally, folding long legs into a criss-cross on the couch across from Louis.

He sticks his tongue out before taking a bite his (undoubtedly sugar free, on top of the already whole wheat, Cheerios). 

Louis isn't sure what to say so he just says, “Nope.”

He wrings his hands, phone set aside for now. He makes a mental note to save the video later. 

Harry just nods and eats his cereal. 

Louis doesn't know what to do, but he isn't leaving until Harry does. He doesn't want to seem like he is avoiding him or something like that. That would not be good.

“So, see any signs you liked last night?” He asks, its the first thing that came to mind after he remembered last nights tweet. He is also genuinely curious if they saw the same sign.

Harry nods, but doesn't answer. 

The whole room feels tense and uneasy, and its never been like this with them before, not even when they had just met on the X factor. They had always just got on really well, no room for awkward silences or tense postures. 

It feels wrong. Unnatural, even.

Because natural for them is close quarters and warm bear hugs and banter as they share dish duty at his mums house when they visit, splashing soapy water at each other. Natural is the way their relationship just kinda _happened_ , and unnatural is the way it just kind of. . . Fell apart.

Because, see, they had planned on Always. They planned on marriage and a big wedding with all their families there. They dreamed of babies, one day. Harry wanted babies so fucking badly, they had spent more than one night looking online at the adoption process. 

They had been together nearly five years and Always was their goal, their future, their lives.

And then it was over, _always_ had ended. 

 

So yeah, they're a little bit tense around each other. They both still remember their promise of Always, hard not to notice when the promise is etched into their skin with ink, various pieces of their relationships scrawled on their limbs.

 

And so the next three days leading up to their next show in the City of Seattle are awkward and bumbling.

The boys have disappeared, no phone call, no texts. Louis suspect this is on purpose. He hates them just a tad, even if he loves being here with Harry, its upsetting that Louis cant just walk up and flop into his lap and expect a cuddle and a kiss anymore. He can hardly speak to Harry without feeling his heart being ripped out again, stomped to a pulp on the floor of the bus.

But there are some good moments, too. Where things feel almost normal, like before all this.

They're sat in the bus one afternoon, the day before the show. Niall and Liam are still nowhere to be found, so they're watching Friends on Netflix.

Louis glances in Harrys direction a few times, never finding him looking back.

Until he does.

Louis looks over just as Ross and Rachel decide to take a break again, and Harry is looking at him with this mist clouding his eyes. He looks sad, and he feels so far away, so out of reach at that moment. Its over so quickly, but Louis live off of it for the rest of the day because its progress.

Harry would barely walk in his direction before. 

 

So Louis makes a hasty decision that night as he falls asleep the sound of snores once again. The calming noise reassures him, because what better reason does he have to call a meeting with management, if not for the chance of being able to hear those snores up close again, and feel the soft hair tickle his face once more?

He sends what is probably a really vague email off to their manager, asking for a meeting the next time they're in LA, which will probably be after their show in Vancouver when they pop down before heading to Edmonton.

Its a good idea. The best. Louis needs to fight harder and the only way to do that is to actually work on re-negotiating their contract.

To work on taking a sledge hammer to the glass walls.

If a sledge hammer doesn't work, he will personally summon fucking Thor to earth and have him shatter their walls. He would do anything to get his Harry back.

 

Because Harry and Louis are like Ross and Rachel in a sense. Just on a break, and are definitely meant to be together.

Always.


End file.
